Beer – and beer quotes – have been around since the early days of civilization, and throughout that history there has never been a shortage in the discussion (or consumption) of beer. From Edgar Allen Poe and Winston Churchill to Dave Barry and Homer Simpson there is a large and diverse collection of famous quotes relating to our favorite beverage – beer.
Below you will find our favorite beer related quotes, conveniently organized into useful categories (at least they seemed useful at the time). If you know a great quote that we may have left out, please leave us a comment and (if it is impressive enough) we will gladly add it to the list.
We also have an entire page devoted to Beer Songs and Beer Toasts – coming soon.
"For a quart of ale is a dish for a king"
– William Shakespeare ‘A Winter’s Tale’
"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety."
-Shakespeare, ‘King Henry V.’
"But if at church they would give some ale. And a pleasant fire our souls to regale. We’d sing and we’d pray all the live long day, Nor ever once from the church to stray."
"Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today."
– Edgar Allan Poe
"Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chambers of my brain.
Quantist thoughts – queerest fancies,
Come to life and fade away:
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today."
— Edgar Allan Poe
"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption.. Beer!"
-Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck
"Payday came and with it beer"
– Rudyard Kipling
"Religions change; beer and wine remain."
– Hervey Allen – Historian, Poet, Author
"O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass! Names that should be on every infant’s tongue."
– C.V. Calverley – English Poet and Paradist
"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer."
– Henry Lawson – Australian Poet and Writer
"Make sure that the beer – four pints a week – goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop."
-Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me"
– Winston Churchill
"Give my people plenty of beer, good beer, and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them."
– Queen Victoria
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
– Benjamin Franklin
"We could be happy if the air was as pure as beer."
– Richard Von Weizsaecker, former President of the German Federal Republic
"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."
– Kaiser Wilhelm
"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer."
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza" – Dave Barry
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
– Dave Barry
"When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly half that quantity of beer"
– Dave Barry
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
"Put it back in the horse!"
-H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the ’30s-’50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-by Jack Handy
"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
"Remember "I" before "E",except in Budweiser."
"Beauty is in the eye of beer holder"
– Kinky Friedman
"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home
As it is in the pub
Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive
Us our spillages, As we forgive those who
Spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver
Us from hangovers. For thine is the beer,
The bitter, the lager.
Forever and ever,
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
– Homer Simpson
"Beer, the cause of, and solution to all of life’s problems."
– Homer Simpson
"Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution."
"Homer no function beer well without."
– Homer Simpson
"Alright brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer."
– Homer Simpson
"A woman is a lot like beer. They smell good, they look good, and you’d step over your own mother to get one."
"Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart’s a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let’s go back to that … building … thingie … where our beds and TV … is."
"All right, Homey, you’re over stimulated. As soon as we get you home, we’ll get some beer into you, and then it’s straight to bed."
Sung to the tune of "It Was a Very Good Year":
When I was seventeen
I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer
I purchased with a fake ID.
My name was Brian McGee.
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was seventeen.
"…there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer."
"Beer needs baseball, and baseball needs beer – it has always been thus."
"I’m Allergic to grass. Hey, it could be worse. I could be allergic to beer."
– Greg Norman
"You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons but at the very least you need a beer"
– Frank Zappa
"From man’s sweat and God’s love, beer came into the world."
–Saint Arnold of Metz, The patron Saint of Brewers
“It takes beer to make thirst worthwhile.” – German Proverb
"People who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot."
-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
"Some see the glass as half full, others see the glass as half empty. I just wonder who the hell has been drinking my beer!"
– As seen on a T-Shirt in Portland, Oregon
"He was a wise man who invented beer."